Blended Families

By Doyle McAllister

Blended families —  in which one or both parents have children from a previous marriage but have combined to form a new family – are common place in our 21st century culture. Now that blended families (a.k.a. “step families”) are a reality in all corners of our culture, it is imperative that we learn how to manage the blended family structure so that it is peaceful, joyful and filled with love  – just as God admonishes all of us to live. The apostle Paul wrote, “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13) The blended family needs a broad band of hope that only comes from our Heavenly Father. Christ must be the central focus in the blended family’s home.  A starting point is for Dad and Mom to understand that their new family is a single family, not two families living together under the same roof! Together,  both biological parent and step-parent should fit the mold God established in Genesis 2:24.  “The two shall become one flesh” – a oneness and  closeness that is not to be broken except by death. Children must be able to see  that the parent-to spouserelationship is the highest priority in the home.  This means that husband/wife relationship takes precedence over that of  any child and parent. The husband/wife relationship is a permanent relationship; the relationship between  parents and children is only temporary, as far as the home is concerned.  Genesis 2:24, says the son “shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife.”  Children are expected to leave home under God’s plan , marry, and start  new homes of their own – with children of their own, if God so enables. The example of a biological parent setting the stepfather or stepmother before their own biological children is a model the children need to emulate in their own future marriages. Children are to be reared to think of themselves as second to their parents on the family priority list.  Dad and Mom are to train up their children to know the Scriptures and to know that they are to love God with all their heart, soul and might. These teachings are to be a regular part of each day. (Deut,6:6-7) A blended home cannot become a child centered home. To function properly, it must be God-centered. “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child. The rod of discipline will remove it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15)  Family rules must be based on biblical principles and discipline must be enforced and appropriate for any particular violation.  The fleshly passions and desires of your biological children will always pit you against your spouse  if you allow your home to be child-centered. The biblical priorities of God first, spouse second, and child third must be established  by both parents.Always present a united front to your children—under the authority of God!